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Being Adam
Adam learns that Hastings, his old boss for who he did his enforcing, has just died. At the wake which Adam reluctantly attends, many of his old enforcer colleagues, including his own younger brother Johnny who Adam got into the business, try to get him to return to this old lifestyle, which he declines but in such a way that those enforcer tendencies are still evident within him. Dr. Tom feels that Adam is now ready to confront that aspect of his life, and sends him back to his early twenties when he had a job with the "boss from hell", Sean, who Adam beat up after not being able to hold his temper any longer after the constant verbal abuse from Sean. That beating left Adam with a prison sentence, a criminal record and a reputation, all which led to his job with Hastings. He vows not to beat Sean this second time around but to walk away. However, in being able to walk away, Adam's life since that time fundamentally changes to an alternate reality he neither recognizes or embraces as he feels it is not within the scope of therapy. But Dr. Tom and the therapy group try to convince Adam that he is using those issues as an excuse not to pursue what he really wants in his current life. Meanwhile, Erica and Sam, wanting to support their mother, are feeling uncomfortable with her new "live life to its fullest" mentality. Full Plot Darryl is fleeing, and Adam grabs him and pulls him around a corner. He reminds Darryl his regret is not about getting his Discman back, but about standing up. Darryl says he can't do it, but with Adam's support he sighs and says this is going to hurt. He goes back, taunts three guys looking for him and they close in on Darryl. Darryl and Adam return to group therapy, Darryl saying it was great but really scary and painful at the end. He says in moments of stress the old weak voice rears its head. Adam: You can't outrun your demons. Darryl asks what's the point then, and Adam responds: Limit their power, the voices that tell you what you can and can't do. Adam is reminded of Rebecca's issue with her boss and is ready to go on another regret, but the group begs off and disbands. Adam jokes that they're slackers, Erica asks what his plans are and he says he has big plans every night. Erica leaves. Adam does too, and returns to an empty, dark apartment, grabs a beer, and flops on the couch. Voiceover: "They say that we manifest our intentions, that we choose how we live. But if life doesn't turn out the way you hoped, it makes you stop and wonder, did you really have a choice, or was this meant to be? How much of our lives can we choose, and how much is who we are?" Adam is at a landscape job and his boss praises his eye and talent. He warily asks how long until he moves on to start his own company and become his competition? Adam demurs, saying he's 34. His boss responds Warren Buffet made his first million at age 32. Adam quips see, I'm already 2 years too late. Adam returns home and sees his brother John, who picked his lock. John informs him that Hastings is dead and the wake is today. He had a heart attack in front of John, and John asks if Adam will go. Adam says no, it would be a waste of time. John continues, saying the man made made you, I thought maybe you'd want to pay him some respect... He would have wanted you there. Sam and Erica are trying to clean Barb's kitchen of toxins and accidentally burn dinner. Barb returns to a mess and the girls hovering over her. Sam tries to push a flyer for a cancer support group. Barb decides she wants to go out for dinner and the girls are worried about her energy levels. Barb: I have cancer, not a heart condition! They go out. Adam gets knock on door. It's a girl named Jess reminding him they had plans, but he forgot. She wants to talk but instead Adam pushes her into sleeping with him. She's gotten to a point where she needs more, and wants a relationship but knows Adam doesn't. He responds; You do what you have to do. Jess leaves, and Adam grabs a beer and looks in the mirror, thoughtful. He goes to Hasting's wake, and his brother is able to convince him to say a word even though initially he doesn't want to. Adam: It's been a couple of years since I saw Hastings, there was resentment. But, intentions aside, he was always there for me. Most of us don't have anyone looking out for us. He always backed us up, for that I'll always be grateful. Adam wants to leave since he has to work in the morning, but the guys convince him to join them and head out to John's car. John: I don't know how you gave it all up. Gardening, sounds like minimum wage. Adam in a menacing tone: Maybe I should just come back and take over. That was Hasting's plan. His brother has a shocked look on his face, and Adam finally says: Johnny, you have no sense of humor. They get in the car. Late at night, they stop driving and Adam asks what are we doing at Eddie's? I came for a drink, not to beat someone up. Adam tries to leave but John taunts him, saying Hastings was grooming you because you were scary. You can plant flowers but it won't change who you are. Adam loses control and punches John, who then chuckles: See? You're not so different after all. Adam finds himself in group therapy. He grumbles that he should never have gone back. Erica: I want to play devil's advocate, why were you so angry? John touched a nerve. Why do his words hold so much power? Adam doesn't know why. Dr. Tom: tell us about the boss from hell. Adam is incredulous he's bringing this up now. This is the regret that screwed up his whole life. Dr. Tom says he hasn't been ready until now. Adam: I was 21, and couldn't get a job. Dad called in favors. Shaun (his boss) had it in for me, always yelling at me. One day I snapped and hit him. I got six months and came out full of hate. Word got around, no one would hire me except Hastings. I brought my little brother into it. Dr. Tom: If you could go back? Adam: I'd walk away from Shaun instead of hitting him. But it would change everything and that's not how it works. He ends up in front of Shaun. Adam wants to take a breather and come back in 15 minutes, but Shaun has no patience and fires Adam. Adam goes back to his mother's home, and starts fixing the garden which is a mess. His brother joins him, learns he was fired, and wants to bring the boys over to kick the s--- out of Shaun. Adam advocates they turn the other cheek. At a bar, Adam and John are eating lunch, when Hastings stops by. He learned that Adam is out of a job and says he has work that pays better than anything he's likely to get. Adam says he's honored but doesn't accept. Hastings says you're choice, and leaves. John is amazed, asking if he knew what he just turned down. Erica, Sam and Barb are at Goblins; Julianne joins them as well. Barb has a new top that accentuates her curves and she and Julianne go up to sing since it's karaoke night. Dr. Tom walks into Goblins, and Erica makes an excuse to go and get wine. He asks Erica for help with Adam. Adam goes to the bar for a drink, and the person serving at the bar turns around and it's Erica. Adam: You're here to check up on me? Erica: Dr. Tom didn't tell me what to do or say, but said follow my gut. How's it going? Adam: Good, I'm hanging out with my brother before he became an asshole, that's fun. This time I didn't hit my boss, and I avoided doing things to become a criminal. Erica: So now what? Adam: I'm trying to figure it out. She tells him his life is a blank slate, do what he wants and don't overthink it. Last time he helped her live in the present. Erica suggests he should take his own advice. Spend today the way you wish you could have the first time around. Adam looks thoughtful. Adam and John are working on the garden, and their mom warns she refuses to maintain it. John is surprised Adam knows how to do so much. They're mulling over starting a landscaping business together. Their father drives by, and their mother escapes into the house. Dad: The favors I pulled to get that job, and you couldn't hold it for a week? John tries to intervene, and their dad pushes him to the ground. He then tries to hit Adam, only Adam fights back, subduing his father. Only when his father acquiesces, does Adam finally release him, and his father leaves. Adam flashes into an alternate June 2010 history where a strange woman is saying breakfast is ready, and there is a baby - his baby - Amelia. UBC has offered this woman a guest lectureship in Vancouver in the fall. Adam is in shock. The phone rings, and John has a problem at the work site. Adam leaves the house and realizes he has a beautiful house and car. At the work site, Bea called John, worried that Adam didn't look well. A truck says Fitzpatrick Brothers, and John discusses a landscape problem that Adam easily fixes. Later that night, while Adam is with his strange new family, he makes an excuse to get a glass of water and goes outside. Dr. Tom is there and says: You can't sleep? Adam: Why are you doing this to me? Dr. Tom: I'm not doing anything, this is the result of your choices. Adam thinks it's the first time around that counts, not this. He's with a woman he doesn't remember marrying, with a child he doesn't remember having. It's not real, and he knows he doesn't get to keep any of it. Dr. Tom: "It is our imagination that transforms itself into reality. - Helen Aramoni." Adam: How about I made my bed when I beat a man to a pulp? Adam flashes back to the past, with Shaun standing over him yelling at him, and Adam beats him to a pulp and returns to group therapy. Adam: That was fun. Thank you for showing me that I screwed up my whole life. Erica: You're missing the point. You can keep going, living with past choices. It doesn't mean you should stop making new ones, you can still have a great life. Adam: That other life wasn't real. Erica: Make it real. Adam: I'm broke, I have a rap sheet. The group says those are excuses, that he sees the mountain - all the reasons, excuses, obstacles why he can't do it. Dr. Tom: You keep piling them on, making the mountain bigger, when you should climb it. Erica: But you won't. Not that you can't, it's because you're scared and won't admit it. You're choosing to let the past define you, when you could choose something else. Adam: Wow. That's deep. Rebecca pushes him to listen to Erica, and Adam snaps and leaves. Erica is back at Goblins where Julianne and Barb are wrapping up their karaoke session. Barb and the girls get into an argument when the girls think she's been acting over the top, and Barb says how should I be acting? Like a sick person should? She's indignant and wants to go home. Barb is in kitchen, and the girls come in and apologize. Barb knows they meant well, and knows the cancer is hard for all of them, but she feels she's supposed to act sick and doesn't want that, she feels fine and wants to for as long as she can. Erica is at home when someone knocks on her door. It's Adam, who found out where she lives through the internet. Adam: I came to apologize. You were just trying to help. You were right. Erica: I get what it's like being suffocated by the past, stuck where you are. Adam is scared, now that he knows he has to do something about it. He apologizes for barging in, thanks her, and leaves. Voiceover: "Choices. They are life's constant. The choice to be brave and push forward, to turn back and retreat. To stand still and watch the world pass you by. Sometimes we tell ourselves that there is no choice when in fact the exact opposite is true. There is always a choice." Adam is in a school, telling someone at the front desk he wants to take a landscape architecture course. Category:Season 3 Episodes